| Seriously. |
[21 Dec 2009|08:23pm] |
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One of these days I really am just going to fucking kill myself, and get this over with, because I swear that is what my mother is trying to drive me to.
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| My mother is batshit. |
[21 Dec 2009|08:14pm] |
are you ready for the latest my mother is fucking batshit? so my mom calls me, knowing i went with tiff to the hospital today, because her mom had a heart attack and was having surgery, and that i was you know being supportive fo rmy friend she calls me at like 5:15 and is like "where are you" "at tiffani's house" "oh, well when are you comin home" "i dont know" "look i appreciate that you are bieng there for your friend, but now it's cutting into my time" meaning HER TIME to have ME CLEAN tiffani was just sitting there listening FLABBERGASTED i was like "i told you my mother is a crazy fucking woman, now you have been witness"
i feel super crappy because liek tiff could hear my mom asking if the one who had the heart attack was the drug addict, i wanted to be like "i fail to see how thats your business," but of course i am a pansy and i couldn't say shit like that to my mother.
she will make my life hell, it's like her niche in life.
anyway i have shit that i have to clean because fucking erica needs wednesday off so she can do christmas shopping and get her hair done. so i wont have any daytime to do my cleaning and my mom is pissed about that. thinking my mom would be smart enough to say No she cant work she has things to do for me, but no she would rather just make my life hell instead of straight up telling Erica no I can't work.
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| Something or other, about penis. |
[30 Jul 2009|01:27am] |
My cat loves me. Maybe a bit too much. She is always waiting for me when I get home, she follows me to the bathroom, because seriously that is the first thing that I do when I get home form anywhere. I fucking refuse to urinate in a public bathroom unless my bladder is going to explode inside my body and leak urine and eventually kill me. If I do go to the bathroom it’s just to look at myself, and play with my hair, or wash my hands, usually the latter because lets face it, everywhere and everyone is dirty. Anyway she always follows me to the bathroom and if I don’t leave the door open for her she sits there and scratches or just tries to break the door down until I let her in. Then she sits there and stares at me like, “how was your day honey” and it’s cute, she’s like my little girlfriend. She cuddles with me in bed an don the couch and she hangs out with me and follows me from room to room.
This is actually getting sad, I just compared my cat to a girlfriend.
Fuck my life, I am writing a fucking entry about my cat…
I have just slated myself as the crazy cat lady. For the rest of my life! Exciting!
Anyway my hands smell like fucking onions, I’ve washed them at least seven times since work and nothing is working. FUCK YOU PERSON WHO ORDERED A FUCKING BLACK OLIVE AND ONION PIZZA. YOU DIRTY FUCKING RAT BALLS LICKING BASTARD. I HOPE YOUR PIZZA WAS ONLY MEDICORE AT BEST AND YOU NEVER EAT ONE A-FUCKING-GAIN…
Ahhhhhh the sound of pent up rage being released from my fingertips. Really that did sort of make me feel better. I mean they deserve some sort of punishment. My friend told me I smelled like BO! Depressing.
To be honest I have never hated a job this badly before. I can not wait to quit or get fired. I would much rather them fire me so I can try to collect some unemployment and sit on my ass some more. It really isn’t so much that I have to work, I really don’t mind working is the fact that they leave this dumbfuck redneck in charge, who is probably younger than I am, and has no fucking managing experience except for what he is doing now, as a ‘shift supervisor’ the only thing this mother fucker supervises is his fucking cell phone. Don’t get me wrong, he told me I could text on the job as long as I hid from the cameras. Which I seriously never noticed which is really funny in itself.
The other supervisor type person is this girl, who is younger than I am, who gave me shit tonight, said my pizza looked like shit and that she didn’t want to send it out but she knew it would take me too long to make a new one so she had to. I was like are you fucking serious? It looks like a mother fucking pizza you stupid bitch.
I am turning very quickly into a curmudgeon it’s almost disturbing to think about but at the same time maybe this is what I am suited for, to be a fucking asshole to anyone and everyone. I think I will continue on my path to being a grumpy old guy, and say to hell with it. I am not out in life to make friends, I am out to live life, no one is going to help me but me, it’s a lesson they really don’t teach you in school, no one is going to fucking hold your hand and tell you everything will be alright if you just clap your hands for the fairy. No one is going to clap their hands for you. Maybe this is just the cynic in me… or maybe it’s just how the fucking world is, and for those of you who had no fucking idea, welcome to your life, it’s ending one minute at a time. Screw you if you do not believe me … but it is all so very true and it comes straight from the mouth of a prophet. I am only telling you the truth so that you can circumvent disaster before it strikes. But maybe I am just a fucking crazy bitch with too much fucking time on her hands. Fuck if I know bro. All I know is that this entry is over …
</3 SC.
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| Sometimes... |
[22 Jul 2009|03:48pm] |
I think that God throws me these curve balls just to see how high I can jump...
</3 SC.
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| Romance is misery |
[22 Jul 2009|03:47pm] |
I guess it's meant to be
Romance is misery
So much for memories
And now I'm headed to the Penitentary
See me on T.V.
The next cop series
I am a danger
I guess I should've done something about my anger
But I'll never learn
Real things I don't concern
I pour kerosene on everything I love and watch it burn
I know it's my fault
But I wasn't happy it was over
She through a fit so I crashed that piece a shit nova
</3 SC.
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| A bit of Rage. |
[22 Jul 2009|03:37pm] |
I often think that I am far too crazy for any of this. But then I see some sort of bright shining light and the crazy feeling fades into the darkness along with my rage and things just seem fine. One of my very best friends wrote something the other day, and I would like to do my best to quote it: "It's like I am at a war, and everyone is the enemy, including me."
I had never thought of it that way, but now that I do it's like a light sort of went on in my head and things seem to be a bit more clear.
There are a lot of times where I wish I should show her how clever she really is a lot of the time, but I don't think she would believe me if I did.
Maybe this is a small dedication to her, and hopefully upon reading it maybe she'll get a bit of understanding into why I do and say the things that I do.
It's quite possible she won't but at the end of the day I do not expect many people to understand me the way I tend to understand myself, and I think I sort of like it that way.
</3 SC.
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| Blah |
[10 Jan 2009|07:29am] |
I don't know where I've been or how long since my last fucking entry but im losing my God damn mind.
I was talking to my brother the other day who informed me of the most wonderful thing ever
But it might not happen. See;
My brother is being redeployed to Iraq. So my sister in law is considering asking me or Jesse to move in with her in their house while he is gone.
This is good for me because I really need to get the fuck out of this house.
But at the same time I don't know if it will work.
Because:::::
I'm broke.
I have a cat.
My mom is crazy
I don't have furniture of my own
Am I ready to live with my sister in law?
Am I ready to live with my 18 month old nephew?
Plus add to hat mike got into a car accident this week and that whole big thing with Gaby.
My life is insane right now.
And my teeth hurt.
There we go lots of bitching and whining. What else can you ask for in a post.
Its funny because im going to be reading this like in a year. And go "wow...my life sucked"
Hopefully by then ill be able to look back at this whole mess and laugh.
Til then. Peace out America...
</3 SC.
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| My moms crazy quote for: 08.27.08 |
[28 Aug 2008|02:59am] |
So I bought this ped egg thing a while back, its to like ... keep your feet smooth and such, and she wanted to use it today, so I said ohkay.
So after a few minutes she is done or whatever and she looks at it and goes:
"You only got this thing so you can see how much dead skin you can collect"
No lie. She did.
Then she asked if she could mix her dead skin with mine ...
Yes. I know, my mother is crazy.
</3 SC.
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| Wow. |
[26 Aug 2008|02:58am] |
As I lay here on the bed with my laptop, fighting the sleeping pills I took an hour ago, I find myself lost in slight thought. These thoughts originally entered my head over an hour ago as well. I sit here trying to figure myself out.
The whole 'savior complex' thing came from a good friend of mine to whole me I had it quite some time ago, this friend who shall remain anonymously called Rage for the time being coined the phrase for me and it just sort of stuck.
Anyway the origins of this screen name are not exactly where my thought process started. The way my brain works is rather simply complicated, one thought always leads to another, whether or not this thought sort of makes sense to the previous thought is usually not an issue. Here is the list of thoughts that went though my head to get to the origins of the screen name which eventually became my LJ name:
Cigarettes
Weed
Why did I begin smoking weed?
To help me sleep.
To calm me down.
To make me less depressed.
Why am I so depressed?
My mom.
Why did I quit smoking weed?
To become a cop.
Will this really work? The quitting, who knows.
Yes, because I am determined to become a cop…
But why?
It’s because I have a savior complex where I want to help everyone else in hopes of becoming a more rounded individual who can eventually help themselves.
That is how it went. I am sure it probably makes much more sense to me than it does anyone else but what is a journal if you understand every bit and piece of the person’s meaning, where is the fun in that? Oh look I went off on a weird departure. Sorry. Back to the savior complex thing.
I sort of feel that in order to help myself I have to help other people, but what if I have it all wrong and I do not recognize this until it is far too late? Who knows what I will do when and if I get to that point. Though if I am lucky, which I usually am not, I will not get to this point of my life and will live happy and all that jazz.
All right, well I am seriously having quite a difficult time fighting these pills now, and I need to get to sleep anyway.
</3 SC.
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| Hahaha poem |
[19 Aug 2008|12:55pm] |
This is so random but I wrote it while driving down the road the other night....
and then I said that I loved her so.
and she said she still had to let me go.
and I said baby please don't go
but she just shook her head no
so then I fucked her one
then I fucked that bitch twice
and then I told her
goood nighttt
</3 SC.
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| There is a storm comin ... |
[19 Aug 2008|12:53pm] |
So I woke up and went outside to have a stoogie because lets face it I have an addiction and those bitches call to me in my sleep. Anyway I'm standing outside my hair is getting blown all to hell because I'm not sure if anyone is all that aware but there is a hurricane coming and that bitches name is Fay.
Asside from the wind its very calm and quet. Its almost as if everything knows something is coming. Lizards and birds ran off to hide.
There where a few bugs but they seemed to be the stragglers because even they seemed to be in a hurry.
It is very weird not seeing any birds.
Not hearing them chirping. Seeing the soaring through the air.
Its like they all went into hiding. And I'm thinking I need to clean everything out from under my bed and just crawl under and not leave for a while.
I stil have so much to do. To prepare for this thing. I have to shower. Because if I don't and this thing hits I might not be able to do so for a while. I have to get the things from my car incase it blows away. I have to do all the dishes and such. And I still need to eat some lunch.
This shit is amazing and annoying all in one big bundle. Allright. I've babbled enough I feel.
</3 SC.
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| Yeah. |
[18 Aug 2008|10:14pm] |
So like. Yeah. This is new for me. But.
There is a hurricane coming.
And my ass is scared.
And confused...
</3 SC.
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| New. |
[18 Aug 2008|07:17pm] |
This is new.
A new LJ.
Let's see how long I remember this password for.
Actually.
I think I already forgot.
</3 SC.
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